On This Day In PITW History: Jim D Went From 546-Point Champion To One (1) Point In Seven Years
On This Day in PITW History
Forensic teams still searching for 545 points last seen leaving the building in 2017.
On this day in PITW history — Jim D, the man who in 2017 was crowned Donkey of the Year on the strength of a dominant 546 points, was confirmed in 2024 to have finished dead last with a single (1) point, a 545-point decline now classified as the steepest collapse in league records.
The numbers are not in dispute. In 2017, Jim D’s 546 points stood unchallenged, the kind of season the League Historical Preservation Committee normally seals in a humidity-controlled vault. Seven years later, the same man posted exactly one point — fewer than several players who did not attend, fewer than one documented houseplant entered as a clerical error.
For scale, the 2024 Donkey of the Year, Bish, won with 479 points. Jim D’s 2017 total would have beaten Bish’s championship season by 67 and Jim D’s own 2024 total by 545. The Committee has opened a formal inquiry into the whereabouts of those 545 points, treating the matter as an active missing-property case rather than a slump.
“We have reviewed the security footage and the points are simply not in the room. They were here in 2017. We have a Clam Contribution receipt placing them in the building. As of 2024, they are gone, and Jim D is the last person known to have had access,” said a spokesman for the Department of Clam Security.
Investigators have so far ruled out evaporation, theft, and a clerical decimal error. A search of Jim D’s seat, his emergency Clam Replenishment stubs, and the area beneath his chair recovered eleven (11) Clams and no points. The Committee notes the recovered Clams were “cold to the touch,” a detail it declined to elaborate on.
Jim D, reached at the table during an Emergency Clam Replenishment, rejected the premise entirely.
“It was a rebuilding year. You don’t go from 546 to 1 by accident — that’s a long-term strategy. The points are coming back. They’re vesting,” he said, declining to specify a date.
The Department of Clam Security and the League Historical Preservation Committee find Jim D’s 545-point loss to be the largest single-member collapse in recorded league history and have entered the missing points into the national registry as “last seen 2017, presumed at large.” A reward of 🦪 40 Clams is offered for information leading to their recovery.
Elevated. Atmospheric NutGas readings spiked sharply at Jim D’s seat in late 2024, consistent with the rapid offgassing of 545 unaccounted-for points. Members within three chairs are advised to monitor for symptoms and avoid making sudden “rebuilding year” declarations until levels normalize.
LEAGUE SAFETY BULLETIN
DO NOT REHEAT PIZZA IN THE CARDBOARD BOX INSIDE AN OVEN.
This policy was created after a historical Poker In The Wood incident involving smoke, panic, poor decision making, and a surprisingly stubborn pizza.
The League Safety Committee considers this matter closed.
