League Officials Investigate Marland Gas Leak Event
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League Officials Investigate Marland Gas Leak Event
An official inquiry has been opened. The felt has been quarantined. No players were harmed, emotionally or otherwise.
Featured image prompt: Mock-serious illustration of a hazmat-style investigation team with clipboards inspecting an ordinary home poker table, caution tape reading FELT UNDER REVIEW, comedic documentary tone, warm lighting, not gross.
The League Office has confirmed it is investigating an atmospheric event during last month’s tournament, an event that multiple eyewitnesses have described as ‘a turning point,’ ‘a war crime,’ and ‘honestly kind of impressive.’ The source, as it so often is, has been identified as Marland.
The findings (preliminary)
Investigators report that three players folded hands they had no business folding, one player open-mouthed-laughed away a strong draw, and the dealer briefly considered a new career. The button has been sent away for testing.
We are treating this as a natural disaster, not a foul. Marland is a national treasure. A dangerous one. — League Office statement
To be clear, and per league policy: Marland is beloved, this is all in good fun, and the man remains a fan favorite and a fixture of the Flock. The investigation will continue indefinitely, mostly because it’s funny. See also our statistical coverage.
Filed by the PokerInTheWood Media Department — mostly true, occasionally sworn to, always respectful. The Flock of Donkeys, est. 20+ years ago.