The Stats Desk — with reluctant consulting from retired Boeing engineer Mark, who insisted the methodology be ‘at least a little rigorous’ — is proud to introduce ADR: Atmospheric Disruption Rating. And the inaugural league leader will surprise no one.

The leaderboard

1. Marland — a record ADR that briefly broke the spreadsheet
2. The room’s only open window
3. A scented candle that has since retired

Mark notes that ADR correlates suspiciously well with ‘sudden fold equity’ and has requested a research grant. The league office has offered him a folding chair and our thanks.

This complements the ongoing official investigation. As always: said with love, Marland. Never maliciously.