Nut Gas Research Foundation Declares Annual Awareness Month
Nut Gas Research Foundation Declares Annual Awareness Month
Funding remains at zero dollars. Determination remains at an all-time high.
In a packed press conference held in Billy’s garage, the Nut Gas Research Foundation today announced the establishment of an annual Nut Gas Awareness Month, a sweeping initiative to raise consciousness of a condition that, to date, only one person has ever reported experiencing.
A coordinated effort
The Foundation will operate alongside the Department of Atmospheric Sciences and the League Medical Advisory Board, three organizations that share a budget of zero dollars, a staff of nobody, and a mascot who is just Marland looking very serious.
Sources close to Marland — a phrase doing an enormous amount of work in this sentence — indicate that an ongoing federal inquiry may or may not exist, depending on whether you ask before or after his third hand of the night.
We don’t know what it is. We don’t know if it’s real. But we will not stop until we have a logo and a ribbon. — Foundation spokesperson (also Marland)
How you can help
- Believe Marland. Or at least nod respectfully.
- Do not Google it at the table again; we’ve covered this.
- Attend the next donkfest. Awareness spreads fastest in person.
The full case file lives in The Nut Gas Incident. Further research, as ever, is required.
Filed by the PokerInTheWood Media Department — mostly true, occasionally sworn to, always respectful. Marland is a national treasure. Further research is required.
