MARLAND GOES FULL NUT GUS
Two Bounties. 22 Points. No Mercy.
THE WOOD — September 4, 2026
Marland came to play poker. Eleven other men apparently came to help with his points total.
By the time the September 4 tournament was over, Marland had collected 22 points, two bounties and enough bragging material to make the next gathering technically qualify as a hostage situation.
The official diagnosis: full Nut Gus. That’s the stage beyond a normal Marland Event, when the environmental concerns include everybody else’s demolished evening.
Two Bounties. One Extremely Pleased Donkey.
Marland eliminated Bish for five bonus points. He also eliminated Jose for another five. Twelve tournament points plus ten bounty points equals 22. The arithmetic is simple. Listening to Marland explain it for the next two weeks may require professional assistance.
Bish finished with 2 points. Providing the league with a home apparently does not include immunity from being converted into somebody else’s bonus.
Jose did some hunting of his own, eliminating Tim for a five-point bounty and finishing with 16 points. A respectable evening, interrupted by the discovery that the bounty hunter was also on the menu.
Tim finished with 8. His bounty finished with Jose. These are separate travel arrangements.
The Official Bounty Casualty Report
Marland eliminated Bish: +5
Jose eliminated Tim: +5
Marland eliminated Jose: +5
Three bounties collected. Two went to Marland. League officials are calling this an unequal distribution of misery.
The Rest of the Damage
Gary collected 10 points, a substantial recovery from the one-point incident documented in our previous report. The league’s counting department has authorized the use of a second digit.
Mark took 9, Chance 7, Mondo 6 and Runyon 5. All respectable numbers until somebody wearing a Nut Gus hat starts adding his bounties out loud.
Billy finished with 4, Terry with 3, and Barney with 1. One point is still a point. Gary can provide references.
September 4: Verified Tournament Results
Final points below include the bounty bonuses. Please do not add them again. Marland has had enough encouragement.
| Player | Points |
|---|---|
| Marland | 22 |
| Jose | 16 |
| Gary | 10 |
| Mark | 9 |
| Tim | 8 |
| Chance | 7 |
| Mondo | 6 |
| Runyon | 5 |
| Billy | 4 |
| Terry | 3 |
| Bish | 2 |
| Barney | 1 |
Next Tournament: 9/18/26
TWO MASKED LONE RANGERS ARE RIDING INTO THE WOODS
James and Javier are traveling in to play.
The regulars have been warned.
Two outsiders are riding into the woods on 9/18, and they aren’t coming for sightseeing.
James and Javier are coming for points, bounties and ruined evenings.
Hide your chips.
Protect your bounty.
Start preparing your excuses.
TWO OUTSIDERS. ONE TABLE. SEVERAL RUINED EVENINGS.
In the artwork, Javier is the masked man in the suit. Apparently somebody intends to conduct this robbery professionally.
See the tournament schedule · Check the season standings · Read the August 21 report
Same Flock. Same table. Another story nobody is going to let Marland forget. Or, more likely, another story Marland is never going to let us stop hearing.
