THE OUTSIDERS HAVE ARRIVED: JAMES AND JAVIER ENTER THE WOODS

Two outsiders. One table. Several pre-filed excuses.

THE WOOD — September 18, 2026

League officials confirmed Friday that James and Javier have crossed into the woods, located the poker table and begun the delicate process of making every regular suddenly remember an important reason they might need to leave early.

The visitors are not here for sightseeing. They are here for chips, points and the kind of road-game victory that gets retold at somebody else’s table for the next eight years.

The Outsiders Have Arrived

James enters wearing a black hat, dark glasses and the calm expression of a man who has not yet been exposed to the league’s betting logic. Javier has chosen a suit and tie, suggesting tonight’s chip removal will be handled professionally.

Both men were last seen approaching the table with suspicious confidence. No cooler was visible. No apology had been prepared.

The regulars responded immediately. Several players moved their chips closer. One protected his bounty with both hands. Another began explaining a bad beat that has not technically happened yet.

Local Players Activate Emergency Excuse Protocol

Official guidance for tonight:

Hide your chips.
Protect your bounty.
Do not reveal which chair is lucky.
Prepare at least two explanations for losing to an out-of-town player.

The Commission reminds everyone that “I was card dead” remains acceptable, but overuse may result in a mandatory review of the actual cards.

“He didn’t know I was representing strength” has been provisionally rejected as an excuse because nobody at this table has ever successfully represented strength.

Javier Returns To The Scene Of Several Statistical Questions

Javier is no ordinary visitor. The 2019 Chief Donkey once recorded an 84-point tournament in 2023, a number so unreasonable that the Department of Clam Security briefly impounded his chair.

The chair was eventually released. The 84 was not explained.

His return has therefore been classified as a Known Donkey Event. Players are advised to keep all hands, chips and season-total calculations inside the vehicle until the tournament comes to a complete stop.

James Declines To Provide Advance Tells

James arrives from out of town with no current local scouting report, which means the regulars will be forced to gather information using the league’s traditional method: calling too much and discussing the mistake afterward.

Sources say James intends to play cards. This alone gives him a tactical advantage over portions of the field.