Tim Hits 70 Points, League Briefly Considers Drug Testing His Math
The Flock of Donkeys convened June 26, 2026 for Double Points Night. The room smelled of optimism and losing decisions. Fourteen of the fifteen players left having confirmed that Double Points means twice as many feelings, and not in a good way.
Tim won.
He won with 70 points, a total so clean and decisive that at least one league member was seen staring at his phone after the game, running the math again. It checked out every time. Tim just played better poker.
The league briefly considered whether drug testing should be introduced, specifically for “knowing what you are doing.” No policy was adopted. The motion was tabled after someone pointed out Tim would still test positive for math.
Full Results — June 26, 2026 · Double Points Night
- Tim — 70 pts. Went home. Probably slept fine.
- Terry — 68 pts (+10 Tim bounty). Finished second and got paid to eliminate Tim. What a life.
- Chance — 66 pts (+10 Tim bounty). Also collected the Tim bounty. Two people hunted the same man. Both succeeded. Scientists investigating.
- Bish — 52 pts (+20 Mondo bounty). Professional. Clinical. Did not gloat. Much.
- Mark — 52 pts. Matched Bish without collecting a bounty. Respectable efficiency.
- Jose — 44 pts. Steady. No drama. Clear conscience.
- Lecompte — 40 pts. Did what needed to be done. The league thanks him.
- Runyon — 36 pts. Present, competitive, outscored by the top seven. A respectable Tuesday.
- Jordan — 28 pts 💰 + $100 from side pot. More on this in a companion piece.
- Marland — 24 pts 💰 + $100 from the same side pot. The league does not know how to feel.
- Don — 20 pts. Showed up. Scored. Left. A man of consistent values.
- Marcel — 16 pts (+20 Bish bounty). Turned a poor finish into an acceptable one. The Flock calls this The Circle of Chips.
- Mondo — 12 pts. Had a bounty. Bish collected it. Mondo is fine. He still has 236 season points.
- Billy — 8 pts. He has thoughts. He has 11 external factors. See separate article.
- Gary — 4 pts. Gary is okay. Gary would like everyone to stop asking.
Standings After Tournament M
Tim leads 2026 with 294 points, 33 ahead of Bish (261). Terry climbed from 11th to 7th. The Chief Donkey race is 11 tournaments from conclusion. Full standings →
⚠️ League Safety Warning:
Do not reheat pizza in the cardboard box in the oven.
The committee has already learned this lesson once.
